Russia Adventures!!! Part 2

And the saga continues between my epic amounts of studying revising... But I press on, writing this mostly because I know I'll want to look at it after I'm home (only 30 more days!).

Yes we did bake them in a frying pan in the oven

Like I had said in my last post, that first weekend together wasn't very exciting. We went to the Галерея (Galleria) a few times, Cyrus got a hair cut, and we made Paleo chocolate chip cookies (which were delicious- haters). :) We also checked out Cyrus's university, Смольный Институт (Smolney Institute) and the accompanying собор (cathedral), though we didn't actually go into the собор till a few weeks later. Most of the rest of the time we watched stupid internet videos while I recovered from travel and adjusted to Russia and all of her rules. So many rules! For example:


Russian Rule # 1: Girls wear make-up, always, and must dress nicely. End of story. You will never see a Russian woman in anything less than business casual (regardless of the business...), and if you do not comply you will be given death stares until you're pressured to run into the nearest О'Кей (O.K.- it's a store like Target) and buy some nicer clothes because you can't bear riding the metro back home and taking all of the hate. I learned this the hard way. The minute I put on jeans again, though, it was like some invisible siren turned off and I was once again a part of the crowd. Learned my lesson the first time. On the other hand, men do what they want, when they want.


Russian Rule #2: Do not show exposed legs (if you're female). If you do decide to wear something that shows any skin below your belt-line you must be wearing stockings or tights. Exposed legs are the cultural symbol for prostitute.

Russian Rule #3: If you're lucky enough to have a парен (boyfriend), follow him. He knows best. This includes standing in the corner of the metro car while he stands guard in front of you- trapping you in. He will also direct you where to sit on the metro, where to walk, and usually does any and all talking, business transactions, and carrying of heavy things. They also make for great bodyguards. This is not to imply that Russian women are subservient puppies (well, younger girls may be a bit), but that there are defined gender roles that you do not cross. Though, the benefit of bodyguard can REALLY come in handy. ;)

Russian Rules #4-15: Never jay-walk (walking when you have the green man is dangerous enough), Бабушки (grandmas) can kill- heck they've survived this long..., Do not make eye contact or smile at strangers, Do not approach any dog, Rubles are basically monopoly money, Always have exact change, The change is useless otherwise, The word Можно (pron. Mozhna) is very polite with various meanings and will get you just about anything, Never whistle, Never sit on pavement (for girls only), Do NOT eat on the metro, Apologizing for your terrible Russian before speaking will improve customer service dramatically (usually), and on and on...

Don't get me wrong though, Russian people are very nice, very romantic, very proud people. It's not a tyrannical regime of men suppressing women, or streets full of angry stares. Women have a lot of strength- in their own right. It's a fascinating dynamic that must be looked at and experienced with an open mind and willingness to participate in a culture with a collectivist mindset much different from the West's individualistic culture. That being said, Russia is also large and diverse and there are always exceptions to every rule. They also tend to be kind of xenophobic and can spot a foreigner a mile away- which is why Cyrus and I did our utmost best to blend in and tread lightly around all of the cultural norms.

All of this in mind, we set off for our first sight-seeing opportunity of the trip- the Hermitage! A large, old palace that has since been converted into a breath-taking and vast art museum. Each room is a different design with artifacts taken from all over the world (including Great Britain- the kings of stealing other people's artifacts). Impressively, Russia has held on to a lot of her masterpieces, only allowing the lucky few within her borders to marvel at them. Unfortunately, I don't think we were allowed to take pictures, and I left my phone in the coat check room (ALWAYS check your coat) assuming as much. But I can tell you, we walked around for at least two hours and still didn't see everything! We did see the famous peacock clock, the throne room, and hundreds of priceless pieces of work. And, outside of the Hermitage, we saw monkeys in jackets! I got a stealth video of them too so I wouldn't have to pay for a picture with them. XD Needless to say, a wonderful first day as a tourist.

Now, I have to be honest, I don't exactly remember what order we did everything in, or what days we did what. So, I'm going to be very vague from here on out with 'the next day we did...' meaning I have no clue, but it was roughly some period of time after the previous event and before I left... Just felt that confessing that detail was crucial...

Anyway, the next day was our first day of Crossfit! Yes, I workout on my vacations- don't judge me. I paid for three Crossfit sessions while I was there in Russia. By the fourth day I was kinda unsure why I had paid at all. But Cyrus did make a good point that I needed to make my monetary, as well as physical, sacrifices to the demi-god trainer known as The Pavel. Apparently even Crossfit demi-gods have to pay rent. Anyway, not wanting to fill our schedules, so we would have maximum time for workout destruction and recovery, we decided to only do one thing- check out the military surplus store called Сплав (pron. Splav, apparently translates into 'Alloy'). This store is full of Ruski, paramilitary gadget-hacks including the shovel-knife, swiss army cutlery, and uniforms from almost every military force around the world. Clearly, this was Cyrus's nirvana. And not only was it full of scary Ruski men, it was in a basement in the middle of one of the sketchiest neighborhoods I visited in Russia- and when I feel uncomfortable in an area, that's saying something. The store itself was wonderful though and I had to stop myself from buying one of the face scarves you always see the Marines in Afghanistan wearing. But we bought what we came for (and insanely expensive pair of Russian military(?) pants for Cyrus), and headed off to training. Now, I assume you don't care to know exactly how much we lifted how many times, but suffice it to say it was a lot and many. Even tore up my hands during one of the workouts shedding blood for the cult of Crossfit. I do love Crossfit though and especially when Cyrus and I can do it together- no matter what country XD.

As for touristing, the next day we got back into it. Visiting the wonders of Kunstkamera and the Artillery Museum. Kunstkamera is a museum of Peter the First's personal collection of interesting, and disturbing, artifacts and... beings. You see, Tsar Peter I was considered a freak for being unusually tall (6' 8"- a giant for the times) so he liked to surround himself with other 'freaks'. He also encouraged the study of birth abnormalities and 'accidents of nature', ordering for the still-born, malformed children to be sent to him from all over the country. He then kept these with his other interesting artifacts and put them on display where they are still pristinely preserved to this day. I have to admit, even I had a hard time looking at the cyclopses, fetuses without limbs, and fully formed legs missing the upper half of the body. What was even more curious was that scattered among these still-borns were mounted animals, fish of an unusual species, or chickens also with abnormalities. It was something I won't easily forget.
The walk through the museum didn't take long though, and we were soon off to check out the Artillery museum- a welcome contrast. I even got a discount on my tickets because I could speak Russian to the ticket woman! Inside, Cyrus showed me how to take apart and re-assemble an AK-47 rifle and pointed out all of his favorite World War weapons. The бабушка (pron. babushka, translation- grandma) running the AK booth was overjoyed that I- a Russian girl- was willing and able to take apart and put back together the rifle. She didn't even know Cyrus or I were not Russian- we're good. We then ended the day with a hostel dinner and an interesting talk with a Russian man in the hostel about the situation in Crimea. Unlike in the West, the number one topic of small-talk between Russians is politics, closely followed by how much money you make or how much your flat costs. These topics are common place in this society- a fact that bewilders and even insults most Westerners.

The next day Cyrus showed me the famous Nevsky Prospekt as we walked to the Saviour on Spilled Blood Cathedral (the St. Basil's of St. Petersburg). The Prospekt was really cool. Mostly tourist shops, cafes, and diners, but still an awesome sight. The cathedral was better though. Beautiful onion domes on the outside and covered in mosaics of saints and Bible stories on the inside. Every square inch of wall a colored stone. Another testament to the beauty of Russia. But I also wanted to see the less gold-trimmed side of Russia as well.

So, that weekend, we went up to the large outdoor market of St. Petersburg- what we like to call the gypsy market. It was basically a flea market, but bigger, less organized, and full of more random crap. Old ladies and surly men selling their wares which have been laid out on a blanket on the soggy ground. I wouldn't be surprised if some of the items had just been picked up from the dumpster in a last-ditch-effort to make a buck. War-torn vets were selling gas masks and deactivated grenades from folding tables while (gypsy) children managed store fronts and ran through the crowds. The place was massive. I bought a little чебурашка (pron. cheburashka) doll- a purchase that has always been too expensive in America. My 5 year old me was ecstatic! I love that little children's show character!

The next day Cyrus and I were to go see the ballet Cinderella! However, somehow neither of us read the ticket correctly and realized too late that the 'ballet' was actually an opera. I have to admit, I was disappointed I didn't get to see my Russian ballet- but what an experience the Russian opera was! Expecting a ballet, we both were very over-dressed since, not only was this ballet an opera, but it was a kid's opera (which is a thing in Russia). So parents in their most formal casual wear were drug by tons of children into this opera venue to see this fairytale classic. I was impressed with the children though. The production was two hours (with an intermission) of opera singing and stage acting that would bore most adults I know, much less kids. But they were honestly interested in the show- a culture where opera is our version of movies or 'Yo Gaba Gaba' concerts. It was a beautiful performance, and I'm really glad I got to at least see a production- even if it wasn't a ballet. :)

Well... I am tired of writing. And I bet you are tired of reading. So, I hate to draw this out anymore, but unfortunately my time in Russia was too amazing and you will just have to look forward to Part 3 (and probably 4) as I get the time and energy to write them. Hope you have enjoyed reading this so far. And if not- well good thing I'm writing it for future me anyway. ;D Be back soon!